Wednesday, May 30, 2007

My $%#@ing Cat

As a child I was rotten and I foolishly believed I could escape the "some day you will end up with a kid just like you" maternal hex by simply not breeding.

Little did I know that the Mom juju was powerful enough to over come the slight technicality of my not having children. I speak of course of my ever-loving cat, Killwhitey.

Her hobbies include such things as jumping from second story windows, playing rousing games of tarantula ball and my personal favorite taunting the nine foot python, a game I like to call playing snake food.

I have had to pull her both from the awning above my apartment and the telephone wires above my roof.

In short this animal is slowly graying my hair and ulcerating my stomach much like I did to my poor mother all those years ago.

Keith has taken pity on me and ceased the early morning phone calls he once took such joy in. Whitey, sharing with Keith some need to stop me from ever sleeping past sunrise opted to get me out of bed this morning by filling my stove with dirt by smashing a potted plant on it. Kinda her way of saying "Get up Dad it's 6 am and time to play".

Bless her little black heart


KLJ said...

I only wish I'd given you the cat so that I could take credit for your current state of agitation.
Remind me to buy here a new squeaky toy (a real annoying one) the next time I'm down.
And don't you worry, I've got a little gift for you as well. Heh heh heh...

The Central Scrutinizer said...

Wow, and I thought I had trouble with two 20-pound tomcats (not fat, just ginormous) who make all manner of racket at all hours, pee on curtains and occasionally demolish random breakables... I think I prefer to keep my own misbegotten beasts! Yours sounds like a total nightmare - but cute as the dickens!

Brett said...

Truth be told I have made this monster and enjoy every minute of it. As for you Jensen I may not have had time for awful scouting due to my heavy work load, but that also means I've made allot of extra cash. Watch yourself or the words "life size" and "Jesus" just might be in your future....